Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
