I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
