oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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