Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
