Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
