You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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