we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I want her autograph on my taint
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
