So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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