remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Randomize
