I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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