I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
