Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
