If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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