Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
