All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
