need another drink. this is the easiest way
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
