All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
