oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
its liver damage thursday
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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