wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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