on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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