I think I won the penis lottery.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
