I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
