...so i touched it.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
