Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
