Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
