Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
