Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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