Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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