Non-Jews are for practice
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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