I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
