Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
