I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
