So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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