Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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