I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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