I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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