Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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