What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
