# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
