Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It was confusing and full of hummus
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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