let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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