I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
