Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
