i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
