I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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