i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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