People with herpes should wear stickers.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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