dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
