I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hippo gnu deer
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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