you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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