I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
