You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
