He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My bed smells like the plague
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
