Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
